Trump was the Best Thing to Happen to this Country

McSweeneys.net keeps a running tally on Trump’s transgressions called Lest We Forget the Horrors: A Catalogue of Trump’s Worst Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions and Crimes.

At press time, there are 842 entries, compiled as recent as July 31, 2020. There are so many offenses, the web developers had to put in a site map to help navigate them.

The “misdeeds” are categorized by an atrocity key, which marks offenses with different colored dots — red for sexual offenses, black (ironically?) for white supremacy, racism, and homophobia, yellow for obstruction of justice, and so on. This horrific list may as well double as a measure of how apathetic we have become as a country.

Trump hit our blind spots. Weaseled his way into the cells of bureaucracy and infected them– left us weak, weary, and coughed up like a bad date kicked out of a random hookup’s apartment during the weak light of dawn. In this frail condition, we were ripe for plundering by, of all things, a virus. The duality of nature for the win!

The Trump presidency has limned this definition into the real world. But just as it takes being sick to appreciate your health, the Trump presidency has shown the light on the creatures of the deep scrambling for power in this country and in doing so has shown us the path forward. What is the path forward? We don’t really know, but it should be clear what we don’t want.

There’s an old misogynistic joke that goes like this: A man tries to determine what kind of person the woman sitting next to him at the bar is. He asks her if she’d have sex with him for $100. She says no way. Before she can slap him…

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